Matzo's last lesson
By Megan Wilde © 2007
CHARACTERS
DANIEL has spent his life becoming a slick and successful emergency surgeon. He’s the oldest brother of Jonah and Gabby, whom he regards as poverty-stricken failures, especially Jonah. He dresses well, but somehow always looks awkward, like he’s wearing a costume. He is very tightly wound, but not incapable of unwinding.
Jonah has Asperger's syndrome. He works at a hardware store. People don’t make much sense to him, and he has a good sense of irony. He wears loose clothes because he doesn’t like to feel anything touch his skin, particularly on his upper thighs. He often pulls at the crotch of his pants for this reason. When he’s very uncomfortable, which is frequently, he hums a few measures from Beethoven’s Sonata No. 13. He hates sitting still and prefers standing and rocking while humming Beethoven in his head. When he does this, people think he needs to pee. He has a wonderful laugh, but pauses before laughing, because he has to read people’s faces to see if it’s appropriate. He likes keeping track of dates, and loves cats and his older sister Gabby, who is the only human being he feels comfortable around.
GABBY is an artist and part-time elementary teacher. She has loose hair, and wears jeans with elastic waistbands and colorful t-shirts printed with animals or nature themes. She adores her younger brother Jonah and feels very protective of him. She has a hard time stomaching Daniel, but she’s a caring soul and tries to be forgiving with him.
AT RISE
Daniel and Gabby are at Jonah’s apartment, sitting on the floor while Jonah stands and hums in between smacking on potato chips. Jonah’s apartment is dimly lit, has almost no furniture and looks like a hurricane hit it; there’s stuff everywhere. It’s been awhile since they all got together, and even longer since they’ve all been together at Jonah’s place. They’re killing time while they wait for their elderly dad to arrive and take them out to lunch.
Daniel:
So, Jonah. Where did you get that very large painting of Bambi?
Jonah:
Oh, oh. The painting. In the parking lot at the mall… The guy who sells them is real, real nice. He’s from Seattle and moved here in 1996. Real nice. He used to work at an aquarium.
Daniel:
Ah. So, what is it… is that velvet?
Jonah:
Velvet. Yea, yea…I think it is velvet Daniel.
Gabby:
It’s really nice Jonah. I like that bunny, the one smelling the flower.
Jonah:
Thumper… Yea, yea. (laughs) He looks like he’s knows something is about to happen to the rest of them.
Daniel:
Jonah, how much did you pay for that thing?
Jonah: Oh, oh. (laughs). Only $300. $326 with tax.
Daniel:
Good God, Jonah. That’s, what, half of your monthly salary at the hardware store?
Jonah:
No. No. 57 percent.
(Daniel nods in disbelief. He’s getting angry.)
Gabby:
Well, I think it was worth every penny Jonah.
Daniel:
Oh cut the crap Gabby. What the hell were you thinking Jonah? Buying velvet art from some guy in a parking lot, when you can’t even buy a friggin couch for this rathole?
Jonah:
Oh no Daniel, no no. I hate couches.
(Jonah gets more uncomfortable and paces and pulls at his pants crotch)
Daniel:
Ah Jonah, for Christ’s sake… You’re what, 36? 37? And you don’t have a place to sit in your apartment… not even on the floor… but you do have a giant $300 velvet painting of a scene from a Disney movie. Do you see what I’m saying Bro?
Gabby:
(trying to change the subject) Do you remember Jonah, when we were real little, you thought couches were like, big mouths?
Jonah:
(giggling) Yea. Yea. I remember that.
Gabby:
And you wouldn’t go within a hundred feet of one, because you were just sure it was going to eat you. And when you told me they were mouths, I was terrified of them too.
Jonah:
(laughing) Oh yea. Yea.
Gabby:
And poor mom and dad couldn’t figure out why their kids where so scared of their furniture?
Jonah:
(laughing hard) Yea, yea.
Daniel:
God you two. This is serious. Look at this floor. It’s like someone’s been using it as a trash can... (stands up in disgust) And what the hell is in this bucket thing? (kicks it gingerly with his foot) Is this mold? Are you growing mold in a bucket?
Jonah:
No. No. Don’t kick that Daniel. (mutters and moves it back into place)
Daniel:
And what the hell is that smell? …Is that piss?
Gabby:
I don’t smell anything.
Daniel:
Oh, come on Gabby, even you have to smell that. It’s like… urine… or death.
Jonah:
(giggles, a little nervously) Oh, oh. That’s Matzo. Little Matz.
Daniel:
Your cat? For God’s sake then, clean her litter box. That’s wretched.
Gabby:
I’ll clean it Jonah. Where is it?
Jonah:
No, no. That’s Matzo. Little Matz. (still giggling) She doesn’t have a litter box.
Daniel:
Well no wonder it stinks…
Gabby:
Why don’t you have a litter box for her anymore Jonah?
Jonah:
Well, she’s dead.
(Daniel and Gabby both fall silent. Jonah hums.)
Gabby:
(tearing up) Oh Jonah, when did Matzo die? You didn’t tell me…
Daniel:
So…what’s the smell?
Jonah:
Oh, oh. Yea, I’m sorry Gabby. I’m sorry. Little Matz died on February 17. Nine days before I bought the Bambi painting.
Gabby:
Oh Jonah, that’s awful.
Daniel:
That’s 5 months ago.
Jonah:
Yea, yea.
Gabby:
I’m so, so sorry Jonah. (Gets up to hug him). Matzo was such a good friend to you for so many years.
Daniel:
(loud, trying to get their attention) Jonah.
Jonah:
(hugging Gabby, getting tearful) Yea. Yea. Thank you. She was a real good friend. Real good.
Daniel:
(shouting) Jonah! Why does your apartment smell like death?
Jonah:
(mimicking his shout) That’s Matzo… I don’t know why she smells like that. I bathed her real, real well, so…
Daniel:
(grossed out) Ah Christ Jonah… What, what do you mean you bathed her? Are you saying you still have your cat’s body in here or something?
Jonah:
Yea, yea. In there. (gestures to covered plastic box.)
(Daniel looks sick. Gabby tries not to look sick.)
Gabby:
Jonah. Why do you still have Matzo’s body?
Daniel:
Eughh…why the hell are you even asking Gabby? It’s just…he’s sick.
Jonah:
(trying to ignore Daniel’s reaction, rocking and pulling at pants crotch) Well, see Gabby… See, her body was an important part of her when she was alive? See, the most, most important part of Matzo. Little Matz. And when I had to put little Matz to sleep, it didn’t make sense to throw away her body just because one part stopped working…. Yea. Yea.
(Gabby ponders his words)
Daniel:
Matzo was a damned CAT Jonah! You just don’t keep a rotting animal carcass, any rotting carcass, in your living room. There’s worms and gases…What if your landlord found out? And your poor neighbors… Ugh, it’s wrong and just… friggin weird!
(Jonah becomes absorbed in humming loudly, rubbing his nose, and pacing rapidly to tune out the conflict.)
Gabby:
(firmly) It’s not weird Daniel. It’s just unique.
Daniel:
No Gabby, it’s weeeird. I deal with death morning noon and night and I can’t say I’ve heard of one person who said, “Hey Doctor. Would you mind not sending that body downstairs? I’d like to keep it in a plastic box in my living room. But don’t worry, I’ll bathe it real well when I get home.”
Gabby:
Don’t be so sarcastic Daniel. I don’t know…I don’t think we’re all that great or normal for keeping the dead so separate from the living.
Daniel:
Come on Gabby. It’s just not healthy to be that attached to a body. Especially a friggin cat body… If you’re not going to be reasonable, I’ll take care of it myself. (he picks up the box with disgust, holding it at a distance).
Jonah: Oh, oh. No no Daniel. No no… (Jonah can’t take the stress and paces offstage).
Gabby:
Stop it right now Daniel! Matzo wasn’t just a cat. She was Jonah’s good friend… (gets closer to Daniel to make sure Jonah can’t hear) And do you have any idea what that means? It’s hard for anyone to find good friends, but do you know how hard it is for him? He’s been dealt a pretty bad hand in life and he’s gotta hang on to the few good cards he’s got.
Daniel:
Friend or no, it’s a body now Gabby. And it’s been decaying here for 5 months. Do you know how many worms and flies are probably in this building now? (he starts to go offstage with the box) This apartment will probably smell like this forever…I gotta dump this...
Gabby:
(stops him and yells) You let that cat corpse be Daniel. This is our brother, the man who still has his first baby blanket, even though it’s got far more holes than thread? Who still has his first car, even though it’s missing the driver’s side floor? For him, these things have soul, more than most people. Being alive is a kind of mechanical thing to him. So when something he loves dies or breaks, he has to see each piece fall apart before he can accept the whole thing is gone.
(Daniel steams quietly, frustrated. He sits back on the floor with the box.)
Gabby:
(trying to be warmer) You had a goldfish when you were a kid, remember? You called him Zippy? (Daniel nods in acknowledgement) I never asked you this… But I swear I saw that fish floating belly up weeks before mom told you he was dead. And you cried and cried like you had no idea until that moment… Did you really not notice he was dead before then?
Daniel:
God, how do you remember that? I was what, 12? Wow. Shoot, I didn’t know what to do with him so I just left him floating there. (laughs lightly and sets down box) I think Zippy was the first dead thing I ever actually saw. And so I waited for mom to tell me, since that way I knew what to do.
Gabby:
So. (she pushes box away from Daniel) I know you’ve heard me say this, but we’ve all got different baggage to carry in life, and we’ve all got to figure out our own ways to handle the load... This is just your brother’s way to carry loss.
Daniel:
(thoughtful pause) Gabby, it always drove me nuts that you could make sense of anything. You really should go to law school…Or at least write a novel, or self-help book, something, so you can make a dime off it.
Gabby:
Oh yea?
(Jonah paces back into the room, looking more comfortable.)
Jonah:
Hey Gabby. There’s a video, a video online that shows a little cat standing by a dog four times its size. (he laughs and Gabby smiles) Yea. Yea. And they’re both eating the same can of tuna fish. (they laugh)
Gabby:
I haven’t seen that one… Hey Jonah. What do you want to do with Matzo, you know, some day?
Jonah:
Well, Billy at True Value, the one who can quote Bruce Lee. Yea, Billy, he has a friend at the natural history museum. And she reconstructs the dinosaurs bones there and Danny told her about Matzo, little Matz. And she said she would help me put her back together again some day. So I think we could display her there. (sits down and starts fidgeting with something on the floor) And maybe some day they’ll display our bones next to hers.
(Daniel starts looking disgusted again.)
Gabby:
That sounds really nice Jonah. I’d feel honored.
(elbows Daniel)
Daniel:
Sure, Jonah. Count me in.
THE END